www.StrategiesForSingles.com

Compatibility
with Kim Millett (CompatibleConnections.Com)

E-Questions: In an intimate relationship, what is the most incompatible factor you've had to deal with in your life?
What do you consider the single most important compatible factor for a successful relationship?

Responses: Incompatible/Compatible

Dishonesty/Communication

Infidelity/Honesty

Lack of feelings of love/Feelings of love

Repeated infidelity/Mutual respect

Prejudice and disagreeable personality/An open mind tolerance

No Chemistry/Chemistry. Looks, money -- all that can be overcome, and in the end don't matter at all. If the chemistry is not there, it ain't happenin'

Disciplining my stepchildren. We often disagreed in this area. I thought that she was too lenient, and she thought that I was too strict. I've always thought that this was an extension into our relationship of how our parents disciplined us when we were young. The compatible factor is trust.

Inability to take on responsibilities/Trust, communication as well as love.

Age is important. My former spouse was a bit younger than me so our interests were quite different and we never seemed to have anything to talk about, so I'd say it was communication. The compatible factor is being best friends, trust and communication and being mentally and physically attracted to each other.

The lack of sharing interests/goals and lifelong path. Compatibility to me means being ones best friend for life. A shared interest in growing together, growing old together and respecting each others feelings.. good or bad. I think it,s a mental mind set of maturity to achieve these things.

Need to control/Honesty, friendship, trust

Lack of respect for the feelings of one’s partner/Feelings of respect for one’s partner.

I'd say the most irreconcilable difference I ever had was whether to have children. If one person wants 5 or 6 and the other wants none, you can't really
compromise and have 2. That just doesn't work. You either want to be a parent or you don't. There's not much middle ground or possibility for compromise,
unlike many other areas that affect relationships. Other than that, one of the biggest areas of conflict is how much time to spend with your partner and/or how far to take the relationship. If one person is ALWAYS the one wanting more, its ultimately doomed because there is no balance.

First to be physically attracted to her, to be best friends and to love each other. With these 3 factors you would have the most successful relationship in your life.

Different views on fun......quite a bit of compromise on that issue by both parties until we discovered how much we both enjoyed having a boat. Before that Drag races didn’t thrill me; fancy restaurants scared him; shopping made him sick; I couldn’t handle eight hours of Sunday sports on TV. We laughed our way through these difficulties and that’s the most compatible factor to me – the ability to laugh together!

We have always put our daughter first -- We have shared a deep bond in parenting and it has carried into grand parenting. We both like to go out to eat and we both like to shop, although not always in the same aisle!

I would say having someone that is always trying to control you would be the factor that I have the most problem with. I'm too independent and I don't like to be told what to do!!

The best thing in a relationship is being able to feel like I can be totally honest.

Lack of self-insight...how can you be honest with others when you can't be honest with yourself? The other biggie is people not taking responsibility for their own actions. You can apologize a million times for something you've done but it's meaningless if you can't take ownership of it. As long as you've always got someone else to blame, you can't be truly remorseful. I hate it when people won't take ownership for their behavior.

I think the most compatible factor is the ability to compliment each other's needs and to be on the same maturity level.

My husband is a "tosser-out-er" and I'm a "pack-rat." There have been so many times when he has thrown out something that I have been upset about, and then again so many times when he has been frustrated by my stacks of "stuff..." We do finally have a system, but it doesn't always work, and then we have to deal with it.

The most compatible has been our firm commitment to our own family and our relationship. We have been in and out of marriage counseling many times in our 25+ years, and I can't recommend it highly enough. We have learned to compromise with each other; we've learned how to negotiate; we've learned that it's not only okay to put our relationship first, but actually imperative! to do so. We go out on a date every week, and we don't take each other for granted. We say I love you often thru the day, and we mean it. We also laugh a lot - and laughter is one of the BEST bonders you can have!

Physical attraction will eventually loose its punch as we age. There has to be more than that to tie ones life together. In 20/30/40 years from now.... we will be looking at an old, wrinkled, loose skinned person of our former selves!! It is inevitable of course...so when you look at that person NOW... think about how he or she IS in mind and spirit -- that's the stuff that will take you into the latter years.

You may feel deeply in love with a person but do you really like them? I've always thought liking a person is vital to the relationship. It just might be the glue that gets us through the thick and thin of it all.

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